What if people who love you aren’t supportive of your dream?
When God gives you a big dream, you want to talk about it! But what if you shared your heart with someone close to you only to be met with confusion, criticism, or silence?
IF YOU’VE EVER FELT ALONE OR MISUNDERSTOOD IN YOUR CALLING, THIS IS THE EPISODE FOR YOU!
It’s deeply discouraging when your people don’t get it. But is their response a reflection of your qualifications or the validity of your dream, or is there something else at work here?
Today I’m unpacking three possible reasons why your close friends and family might not affirm your dream and what to do when their response threatens to shake your confidence. Whether their reaction is about fear, practicality, or your difficulty putting words to your ideas, there is a way forward.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
🧠 Why people close to you may not understand or affirm your God-shaped dream
💬 How to respond when your support system doesn’t “get” it
🔁 Three key strategies to shift your mindset and find the support you need
If you’ve ever felt unseen or unsupported in the early stages of your dream, this conversation will remind you where your true affirmation comes from and how to keep moving forward in faith even when it feels scary.
You were never meant to carry this big dream alone. Let’s get you the clarity, encouragement, and community you need to stay obedient to what God has asked you to do. Press ‘Play’ now!
CONNECT WITH MERRITT:
Website || Facebook || Instagram
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Dream Out Loud – practice talking about your dream with other dreamers
Join the Dream Believers community for $40/month or $400/year (2 months free)
Scripture:
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
~ Galatians 1:10 (NIV)
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
~ Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)
Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
~ Proverbs 29:25 (NIV)
Enjoy This Episode?
Here are some others you might also like:
Ep 273: How to Hold on to God When It Doesn't Go the Way You Expected Apple | Spotify
Ep 286: Top 3 Traps Standing in the Way of Your God-Given Purpose Apple | Spotify
Ep 222: How Resistance Can be a Clue That You Should Keep Pursuing Your Dream Apple | Spotify
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The unedited transcript for this episode of The Devoted Dreamers Podcast follows:
Have you ever told a friend or family member about a God-shaped dream and got crickets rather than the enthusiasm and support that you hoped for? Or worse, their response was critical and provoked fear about what might happen and if it goes wrong.
Why does this happen and why aren't the people you love your biggest cheerleaders?
Today we're talking about when your people don't get the dream God gave you. We're going to talk about why it happens and what you can do about it.
I'm your host, Merritt Onsa, a Christian life coach. I'm kind of like the Joanna Gaines for women of faith who have big dreams about how God might reorder the second half of your life so that you can use your gifts and life experiences to usher in beauty, redemption, healing and service to others.
It's not a redesign of your home that we're working on. It's a brand-new way to live, in freedom. Free from fear and second guessing yourself all the time. Free from the lies that the enemy has used to keep you quiet and playing small in the past.
Isn't it time that more of us who believe in Christ started living that way?
I'm on a mission to engage 10,000 women worldwide to start taking intentional and purposeful steps that will bring their God-shaped dreams to life. If you believe in Jesus and you see his work in your life and you're aware that you've been given gifts and talents and a unique life story that could serve and benefit others, then maybe you're among those 10,000.
I hope that you are, because you're here listening to a podcast about dreams. Maybe you're looking for a chance to see if your dream has legs. You want to try it on for size and figure out if it's possible. You want to be inspired and encouraged that there's hope for what you've been dreaming of all these years. Maybe you've been too fearful in the past, or someone has dashed your dreams with a comment that hit too close to home—that’s what we're talking about today—or you just haven't had time to figure out how to proceed with your dream.
Well, my friend, this is your time. This podcast is your space. If you have big ideas for how God could use the gifts He's given you and the years of your life that remain, if you have a dream that would serve others, let's figure out how to turn that heartfelt hidden dream into real, actionable plans with impact for God's kingdom work in the world.
So you started to tell a friend about your dream. And as you do so, your heart starts beating a little faster because you're so excited about the ideas that God has given you.
You're feeling empowered and maybe a little timid, maybe a little nervous about the whole thing, but you're looking to share that excitement you feel and maybe get a little validation from someone you know who cares about you.
And her response? It's not what you hoped. It's lukewarm. She's asking questions you can't answer yet. And it sends you into a bit of a spiral. Why does this happen?
There are two reasons that this might be happening. Number one, she's not a risk taker herself. This seems too far-fetched. She can't imagine it for herself, so she's having trouble imagining it for you. And if she's a real practical person by nature, or more of a glass half empty kind of person, she's possibly thinking through the details and seeing holes all the way through it. And when she asks you about it, when she wants more information, it feels to you a little bit more like criticism, even if it was well meaning.
The second is maybe that she's worried you're going to get hurt. She loves you; she cares about you. Her response is an effort to try to protect you, as odd as that sounds. Because she doesn't want you to fail. And this dream of yours, well, it's not a sure thing. You'll be putting yourself out there and that feels vulnerable to her.
But guess what? You can't control any of that. All of that is on her.
And there may be a third reason that this happens. If your movement towards this dream, even if you've had the dream for years, if moving towards it right now is more of a new thing, like you haven't taken very many steps or you haven't taken any at all, it's highly likely that it's not all figured out in your head, that all the pieces aren't quite there yet, you're not entirely sure who exactly it's for, or you don't really have clarity on how exactly you help. It's not completely nailed down and you're giving her the high-level version. It's not your action plan because you don't know what that is yet, or because it's new and you haven't had much opportunity to talk about it yet. Your explanation isn't very clear. Your words run together in your excitement to share about it. You leave out parts that you're afraid to say this early on in the dream. She feels confused. She doesn't know how to respond, and you're both left wishing that conversation had gone better.
Well, whatever the reason, here's what I know to be true. Not everyone in your life will be a super fan or even understand the dream God placed on your heart. And that's okay. Their response doesn't have to impact your obedience.
Before we talk about what you can do about this, let's look at why it matters. This topic actually originated from a listener. Here's what she said: “The dream is so important to me that I found myself looking for verbal affirmation from people I'm close to. But I need to not be so easily discouraged by the ‘lack’ of enthusiasm. My friends love me, but not all of them are going to participate in what God is calling me to do.”
Ah, yes. I was so glad she brought this up, because she's right. It's natural to desire support and even enthusiasm from those closest to us. They're a big part of your life. Maybe it's your mom, your sister, your best friend. And this dream. This dream is near and dear to you. It feels like a big deal because it is a big deal. It's like God is communicating with you about who you are and the unique ways that he made you. It's like a personal invitation to invest your life in something that elevates his kingdom.
Why wouldn't you be excited about that and want to share it? But it's scary and so vulnerable to put yourself out there and to create something new that's never existed before. And sometimes, even with God's blessing, to the extent that you can know you have it, it feels like if you just had the affirmation of others, of real human people, it would help you feel more confident and comfortable to move forward.
Well, I get it. It would be so nice if a human person could just tell me I'm on the right track, that I'm doing it right, that I'm headed in a good direction. Ah, that would make things so much easier. But it's not what God has called me or you to.
Sure, it feels like it would help, but is that help you want actually a crutch? Is it actually keeping you from doing what God has told you to do? Keeping you from actual obedience? If human opinion is what you seek, my friend, it will fall flat nearly every time. No one else can really carry the weight of that.
They can point out what they see in you. They can suggest caution areas where you're weak. And I'd actually encourage you to listen for that with humility. But no one can tell you, yes, this is definitively what God has for you.
The confirmation you seek will come from Him and maybe sometimes others, but it's unlikely to come from someone that you've been hoping will give you permission to be courageous and take that next big step.
The reason I know this I am the ultimate people pleaser. I've struggled over the years with trying to find my value, identity and worth in my relationships with others. I have felt desperate over wanting someone to love me—see my teens, my 20s, and my 30s. I've been addicted to love and approval from friends, boyfriends, and even people I've just met.
It's a form of slavery. It's idolatry. It's forgetting who actually is God. And when it comes to my dream, where I have seen this play out most often is related to podcast downloads. Any day of the week I can open up the software and look and see how many people have downloaded one of my episodes. Then there's social media on top of that. Seeing how many people liked or shared one of my posts, or how many people opened one of my emails or clicked on a link.
I could attempt to find my value and worth in those things. I could look at podcast downloads and think, “Nobody likes what I share. This is garbage. 200 downloads for this episode? It's not enough. Why aren't there more? I must stink at this.”
And wouldn't the enemy like nothing more than for you or me to seek our value, worth and identity in a numbers game? But what happens when we do that? We are held captive by something that really, in the grand scheme, doesn't matter. What number is big enough to carry the weight of your identity today? And will that number stay the same, or will it change, or will it decrease? Will it pop all over the place and keep you guessing?
Real Talk: what I wish someone had said to me early on in my Dreamer journey is that God is a relational father. He knows you intimately. He knows exactly who you are, and if He cares enough to reveal a direction for your life, what does your need for approval from a friend or family member say about your trust in Him? He wants you to trust Him.
Galatians 1:10 in the NIV says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God?” It is a question we should be asking ourselves regularly.
And while it is amazing to have supporters, it is awesome to know that you're following God's lead, being obedient to the best of your ability to what He's put in front of you and working for an audience of one, not an audience of many.
So I said we'd talk about what you can do about it. And I think this all has to do with a reframe of your mindset in terms of how you think others should respond to your dream. Practically, if you want to get better at talking about your dream, come to my Dream out Loud call.
It happens once a month on the third Wednesday. You can come and practice getting those words out of your mouth. Sign up at https://www.merrittonsa.com/dreamoutloud.
But if what's really going on is a struggle for your mind, for your mindset, for your obedience to the Lord rather than seeking approval from man, I've got three Rs for you today.
Number one: Reframe the purpose of the dream. It's not to make you feel affirmed. It's not to bring you glory. It's to glorify God and to bless others.
So you're gonna reframe, rethink: What is the purpose of my dream?
Number 2 ‘R’ is to Realize that not everyone will understand a God-shaped dream because it's not theirs to carry, it's yours. So number two is realize not everyone's going to understand it. It's not going to make sense to everybody, especially at the forefront.
And then the third R is to Realign your support system. You need a different kind of support. A spiritually aligned community that believes in big dreams and the God who gives them and ideally people who are also working towards their own big dreams and fighting this battle too of seeking approval from others and really wanting and desiring approval from God, the God who is gracious and merciful when we mess up. But we need to be walking with people who are doing this as well.
So if this is resonating and if you have been feeling alone in your God-shaped dream, come and find your people inside my Dream Believers community. We have conversations like this all the time. We're there for each other when friends and family are a challenge to our confidence. How something somebody else might say, even well-meaning could crush us. We're there for one another as that support system to say, “hey, I've been there too and here's what's actually true.”
We remind each other where hope comes from solely at the foot of the cross and you can join us today for just $40 a month or sign up for a year and get two years free. Sign up at https://www.merrittonsa.com/dreambelievers
And I'll leave you with this:
Proverbs 29:25 (NIV)
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare. But whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”
Finally….
Daughter of the King,
You were made for a beautiful purpose, your identity and security rest in Him, as does your dream because the Lord is good and His ways are always good! No weapon formed against you will prosper because you belong to Him.
Until next week, stay faithful, keep dreaming and remember: trusting God with your next step doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be scary. It means taking the step anyway. That’s what faith is.
You are welcome here among women braving those scary steps in faith, knowing our dreams matter because they are His.
Until next time,
I’m Merritt Onsa, your dream coach and sister in Christ, walking by faith, with you, in the dream.
Have a great week!
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